laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
