He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
