I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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