I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
