if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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