i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
