dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
