You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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