Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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