my mouth tastes like poor choices
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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