dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
