if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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