Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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