She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
