ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
honey bunches of taint.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
