What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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