You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
