So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
