chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize