3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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