We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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