He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize