she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
