if i can run in heels then i can drive
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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