if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
