god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
