You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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