Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
