How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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