finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
