I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
