dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize