If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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