i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
