Pants 0. Shit 1.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
