Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
