Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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