Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
