GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
