One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
