Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
