Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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