Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
