I want to walk on stilts...naked
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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