I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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