My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
