you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
