I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
