i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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