i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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