The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Randomize
