how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
