i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
