I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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