if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
