I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize