Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i think i just lost a toe
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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