The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
