It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
