I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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