is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
