moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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