I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
