Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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