i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
