If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
