The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
