it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
