You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
