Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
