your thong is hanging out like whoa
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
