is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
