if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
