I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
